INTERVIEWER: I’m here with one of our newest players, CloudStrike, a beautiful hawk man. Yunno, I’m not usually into bird guys but I have to admit, you’re very handsome.
CLOUDSTRIKE: Ah, so I’m supposed to be flattered that you’re feeling abnormal? This is off to great start.
INTERVIEWER: Uh sorry. I’m just looking at your sexy introduction card and am amazed what a great shot this is. Awesome Magneto pose, very regal.
CLOUDSTRIKE: Thanks though I wouldn’t use the word regal to describe me. Maybe noble.
INTERVIEWER: Strike two, alrighty then. Well, your hairstyle is very cool.
CLOUDSTRIKE: Yea, ya like that? Inspired by old school Webby. You know who that is, right?
INTERVIEWER: Yes, Duck Tales, of course! Loving the reboot!
CLOUDSTRIKE: I’m really turned off by those awful square heads on the kids. There’s a reason the nephews have looked the same since the 30’s. Cuz they were adorable! Circular heads are adorable. These new square heads look… jowly.
INTERVIEWER: Um, sure. So back to your portrait. I think the best part of the image is that nice thick hard BBC you’re sporting in the nude version. I love BBC!
CLOUDSTRIKE: I thought you weren’t into bird cock.
INTERVIEWER: Oh no, that B stands for black.
CLOUDSTRIKE: Wow, racist and birdist. Are we done yet, bro?
INTERVIEWER: Gah, I need to get one positive response from you or I may lose my job. So um… what special skills are you bringing to Brutal Ballers?
CLOUDSTRIKE: Insanely incredible eyesight. Imagine seeing 8K in every direction all the time. It’s a blessing and a curse.
INTERVIEWER: What would be the downside?
CLOUDSTRIKE: I’ll answer your question with another question. Are your pores bigger than other humans? Cuz they look like craters to me.
INTERVIEWER: Yunno what, yea let’s end this. And for the record, you’re not into me right?
CLOUDSTRIKE: Uh, hard no. I’ll tell ya what though, do you have a connection to Reboot Launchpad? Cuz he can definitely get it.
INTERVIEWER: I don’t, dude. Sorry.
(Uncensored version of CloudStrike is on my Patreon page here!)